WEBVTT
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In my ambulance, I'm in front of a 101 precinct in Fort Rockaway.
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And all of a sudden you hear pop pop pop.
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And I just look around, I'm like, what was that?
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And I realize my ambulance just got shot at.
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And I know for me, you know, it'll be hours later, my body's still shaking and humming from that job I had six hours ago.
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And I just didn't know how to turn it off.
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I didn't know why I was angry.
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Those painkillers, they did several things besides take away the pain.
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They quieted the voices in my head.
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They relaxed my anger.
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It worked until it stopped working.
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I've been in rehab over 30 times.
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I've had 15 heroin overdoses.
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I was in the ICU group three times.
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I just never gave up.
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Join us as Carmine stares his powerful journey from the front lines through trauma and recovery to helping others break the silence and find hope.
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If you're ready for real talk about mental health and emergency services, this is the conversation you don't want to miss.
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We invite you to like and subscribe, YouTube, Responder Resilience, Facebook, Responder TV, or on LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.
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And our website is respondertv.com.
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We'll be right back to speak with Carmine after this.
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Ask a first responder who they are, and you're likely to hear I am a police officer.
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I am a firefighter.
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I am a peripher.
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I am a 911 communications operator.
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Not I do this work.
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But I do this work.
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Ask a clinician why they work with first responders.
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And they may say, There's no firefighter and helping out.
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Join us in shaping a culture where mental health, wellness, and leadership are prioritized, not whispered.
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And where no one has to carry the weight alone.
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Welcome to Responder Resilience.
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We try to spotlight on the unseen battles of first responder reality.
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And celebrate the powerful wins that come from the grit of post-traumatic growth.
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We understand the culture, honor the trust, and bring you conversations from the change makers, passionate about helping first responders come home whole.
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With your host, Retired Lieutenant David Dachtinger, Dr.
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Stacy Raymond, and Bonnie Roomley, LCSW EMT.
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Our guest today is Carmine Fiori.
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He's a retired FDNY EMS first responder and U.S.
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Army National Guard combat medic with over a decade of frontline experience.
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And after years of exposure to trauma, Carmine confronted PTSD and addiction while navigating the culture and pressures of emergency services.
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And today he he speaks openly about recovery, accountability, and the realities first responders face both on and off the job.
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His work focuses on honest conversations that reduce stigma, encourage early intervention, and remind first responders that they don't have to suffer in silence.
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Carmine, warm welcome to Responder Resilience.
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Thank you so much, David, for having me.
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Thank you, Stacy.
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You're welcome.
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Um can you take us back, Carmine, to the early days of being a first responder?
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Like what inspired you to, you know, become a part of um FDNY EMS and then also um the the Army National Guard?
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Well, I joined the National Guard prior to joining the New York City Fire Department.
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And um I joined the National Guard in 2008.
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And at that time, um there had an up I had an opportunity for several jobs in which the Army had to offer me.
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And I chose being a medic um for several reasons.
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But one of them one of the main reasons is I wanted to do good.
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I didn't want to just go out there and cause chaos or havoc.
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Um I wanted to do good, you know, for my country, for for my fellow brothers, and just you know, help where chaos was.
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That's what I really wanted to do.
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And so I joined the U.S.
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Army, I went through there, I went through boot camp, I went to uh Fort Benning, Georgia for their basic combat training.
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Um any veteran knows Fort Benning, you know, it's a wonderful place in Georgia.
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And um we I you know I did my time there, and following grad, you know, the graduation, um I went over to Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas.
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And over there um we did um several months of combat medic training, followed by EMT training, and that's where I was nationally registered as an EMT.
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And um I fell in love with emergency medicine there.
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Um I thought it was um amazing.
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I, you know, the fact that we, you know, people could go and make a difference in somebody's life right there on the spot, I thought it was amazing, you know, and I wanted to be a part of that.
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Um so I went through, you know, I graduated as a combat medic, and I went back home to the National Guard for my National Guard unit.
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And from there, I, you know, I applied for the New York City Fire Department.
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Um because the New York City Fire Department, all across the country, it has been known, you know, as one of the most elite, you know, fire departments in the country, maybe in the world.
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Um and you know, we spoke about the New York City Fire Department at the combat medic training in the US Army, and now I had an opportunity to be part of that team.
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So I put in my application and um I was accepted.
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And it was such an honor to be accepted into that brotherhood, into that um era of emergency medicine.
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And it was amaz and ever since then it was amazing.
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And and uh I've loved every minute of working on working the job.
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Yeah, such an interesting uh journey you've been on.
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And I'm curious from the perspective of like trauma and resilience, uh what you experienced uh as an Army EMT medic.
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And like how does that transfer into what you've done on the streets in New York?
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Is there similarities, differences?
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Like, what is the perspective on that?
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Well, funny enough, well, since I was with the Arm the New York Army National Guard, I was um I was stationed in New York, so I was I was stateside.
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Um so I didn't get an opportunity to go overseas to Afghanistan and Iraq, some like some of my other counterparts.
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Yeah.
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But it was very interesting putting on two different uniforms while work while working in the same community.
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Um, so it was it was different, but it was also very familiar.
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It was whole.
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Um, you know, one of my one of the missions that we did with Hurricane Sandy um in the Rockaways, I was an EMT working in the Rockaways during that time.
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Uh huh.
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So I would literally go home, change, or no, go to the station, change uniforms, shut the locker, and get picked up by a Humphrey outside the CNS station.
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Yeah.
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So it was one of those um it was very familiar and it was very welcoming, you know, to be you know, to be able to make a difference in your community instead of m making a difference abroad was really an amazing feeling.
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It really was.
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Is there any difference in approaching um comp combat injuries or you know, on the streets EMS injuries or problems?
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Is there a difference?
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No, because a lot of the similar combat injuries that um soldiers would see overseas, we still see here on the stateside.
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Um aside, you know, you know everything from explosions to burns to stabbings to gunshot wounds, everything, you know, we we see here.
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What we don't see here is um the combat scenario, the combat modern.
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Um because we're lucky lucky enough not to be have, you know, a war zone here in the state.
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Yeah.
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It was it's definitely a different training involved, definitely different.
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Yeah.
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There are some war zones in on the streets of New York.
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Oh, definitely.
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I mean it's funny you mentioned that.
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I remember one time it was what's it been 2011, and I was sitting in my ambulance uh in front of the 101 precinct in in Far Rockaway, and all of a sudden you hear pop, pop, pop.
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And I just look around, I'm like, what was that?
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And I realized my ambulance just got shot at um because we had an inmate in the back of the ambulance that was wanted by a gang member.
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Yeah.
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Or ambulance was definitely shot at in front of the 101 precinct in Far Rockaway.
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So uh I could I, you know, we definitely have a little combat there in New York as well.
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Yeah, oh definitely.
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No doubt.
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The chapters of helping the helpers build intentionally, layering cultural understanding, trauma insight, therapeutic strategy, and professional sustainability into a coherent whole.
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Each section is designed to deepen the clinician's ability to show up with skill, respect, and lasting impact in a field where the stakes could not be higher.
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This is not easy work.
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It will test your skill, your boundaries, and your ability to carry without absorbing.
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But for those who choose it with intention and integrity, it can become the most meaningful work of a clinical career.
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It wasn't just stress or burnout, but it's something deeper along the lines of post-traumatic stress.
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Like what point did that kind of come to your awareness?
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Unfortunately for me, it came really far, really long after the symptoms and the chaos ensued from PTSD that I realized that it was PTSD.
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Um maybe to everyone else it was obvious, but it was I was the last person to know.
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Um I always thought I had anger issues.
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I thought I um was just always irritable.
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Um, I never thought I would have PTSD, you know.
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Like, sure, I seen some stuff, but that designation is reserved for the combat heroes.
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I I don't have that, you know?
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So um it unfortunately took me years to realize that a lot of my symptoms and behaviors and attitudes, you know, what were a result of PTSD and having over, you know, made almost two decades of trauma being a witness to.
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Was there one moment or event that kind of lit the light bulb and said, Well, this is you know, I gotta I gotta do something about the huh?
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I was talking to another veteran about his issues, and I was relating to every single one of them.
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And I was like, I feel like me and you work together.
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And he was like, he's like, no, you know, but we're very similar, but we both have PTSD.
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And it's the first time someone is, you know, someone other than a doctor said, you know, you have it as ch as well.
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And I and I and I started so it made me think, maybe I do have it.
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So then I started doing my own little googling and research and just looking at the symptoms, and I was like, all right, everything's making sense, you know, except for this that you know, maybe like two symptoms that were on that list.
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Um because I wouldn't I never remembered my dream, so I wouldn't have nightmares, so I thought I don't have PTSD because I don't have nightmares.
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Um so And just to be clear for the listeners, that's not true.
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No, it's definitely you you can have PTSD and not have nightmares.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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It's it was and when I realized that it was a lot of the PTSD, a lot of that shame and guilt just melted away.
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Oh, interesting.
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Yeah.
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So Carmine, what do you think about the culture of first responders?
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You know, the toughness, the dark humor, suck it up a buttercup.
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Um, how does that both help and hurt you guys and gals?
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I think it helps in the short term, the very, very short term, on the scene, just get through this job, just get through the call, suck it up.
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I know it sucks, let's get through it.
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But I think that attitude bleeds into life somehow.
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And I think it's because we don't know how to turn it off, you know.
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We don't know when the danger's over, so we can't turn all turn it off and be like, okay, now we need to recover from what happened.
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We're there is no designation marker for us to know like, okay, we're here.
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Now we need to stop that and recover from what we did.
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Um and I know for me, you know, d there'll be hours later and my body's still shaking and humming from that job I had six hours ago.
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So Caroline, what in your words, because this will help others that to relate to you and this issue, uh what happens over time then where there's a tipping point?
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So what how would you describe the deterioration or the what's leading into addiction?
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Oh man.
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It's yeah, I know it's a it's a tough question.
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It's because it's a it's a it's emotional to talk about because my PTSD doesn't portray like it does in the movies.
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Um it doesn't.
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You know, I come home from working all day, from being part of a community, being part of a brotherhood, and I come home and I flip out at the sight of dirty dishes in the sink.
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I flip out at the the there's towels in the bathroom and the lights are on in the bathroom.
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You know, I and my wife is upstairs trying to put the kids to sleep, and I'm just angry.
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And I'm screaming because I can't because I believe that I should others should treat me differently.
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Why did I believe that?
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I don't know.
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You know, but I believed so much in that moment of anger.
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And in that moment of anger I couldn't see, I my things started getting blurry, we started getting shaky, my heart races.
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Yeah.
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And it's just pure rage and anger.
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And it's the smallest thing that would set it off.
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And I just thought I had an anger problem.
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I just thought it was an angry person.
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I thought I was miserable to be with, and I just didn't know how to turn it off.
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I didn't know why I was angry.
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Right.
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I wasn't me angry at the dishes in the sink or the towels on the floor.
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Right.
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But I I couldn't control it.
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It was Couldn't it be?
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Just to clarify, because I've I've talked to a lot of first responders about this anger and the you know, it's just losing their mind on something that seems trivial.
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You're dealing with emergencies, you're dealing with life and death situations, and you're a person of order, right?
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Things have to be in a certain place, you know.
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You if you need to find equipment, it has to be where it's supposed to be.
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It can't just be haphazardly all over the place.
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So if the dishes are, you know, that's haphazard.
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If the towels are on the floor, that's haphazard.
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It triggers something in first responders, and I think especially EMS.
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Um because if you can't find, you know, uh scissors, if you can't find anything in your bag, you know, or where you put it, how alarming would that be?
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Right.
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And so unconsciously, it probably triggers just this, you know, it's out of control and it can't be this way.
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So there's that, and I think the anger can come up from that, but also the atrocities that you deal with, you know.
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That drunk driver didn't have to kill that family.
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Or, you know, especially the innocent children.
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I mean so there's there's anger from the atrocities.
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So that's my understanding of it, but I wanted to hear it from you first, you know.
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Yeah.
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A hundred percent.
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I you know, I would be able to deal with uh the horrible days that people would have and I would be a witness to.
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Um, and then I would come home and I I would I would just shut down on those hard days, you know, and just not talk.
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And I, you know, and because I would you know, my heart would be in those grieving families.
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And then other days when we would just have people with abdominal pains and people who stub their toe all day, those would be the days where I'm flying off at the end.
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Um yeah.
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And Carmine, this is so interesting too, because I know from my personal experience, you know, I would totally keep it together at work.
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You know, I'd be easier to get along with, you know, easier to work with.
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Then when I came home, I was like a different person, right?
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Then everything was, you know, all bets were off.
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Did you find the same thing?
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Like you really kept it together, working together with your partner, doing the doing the jobs, and then like it's almost like Jekyll and Hyde, we get home, and we just like we just look we let go of that.
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I really felt like that when I was suffering through my addiction throughout my career.
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Um 100%.
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I felt like when I put my uniform on, I was putting on a costume.
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Um and it was that's where a lot of the shame built, you know, because I was my attitudes and behaviors weren't con weren't in line to the values I would put you know portray at work.
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And it would it would put you know give me a lot of shame.
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And you know, anyone in EMS knows it's not about when you get hurt, it's you know it's not about if you get hurt, it's about when you get hurt.
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So um, you know, one of those injuries, you know, caused me to uh need painkillers.
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And this was during the wild west of the opia painkiller days.
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Yeah.
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And um, you know, any doctor they'll be like, oh, you got hurt at work?
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Oh, we're an FDNY member, oh please, and they just write you a slip and those painkillers they did several things besides take away the pain.
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They quieted the voices in my head.
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Sure.
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They relaxed my anger, they you know, and it worked until they stopped working.
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Sure.
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Right.
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And and on that note, David and Carmine, you know, to come home and like Dr.
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Jekyll, Mr.
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Hyde.
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Um that's you know, our at home are the people that we know won't leave us or we think won't leave us, right?
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:40.319
So it's just so easy to just lose your mind on them.
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.279
Yeah.
00:18:41.519 --> 00:18:47.680
Um and and I think that's why it happens, because it's it's where you're comfortable and and your walls just come down.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:49.839
Yeah, 100%.
00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:53.920
Hey, firefighters, let's take a moment to talk about something important.
00:18:54.079 --> 00:19:00.480
There's a new app built by firefighters for firefighters, and it's not just another wellness tracker or generic resource hub.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:01.680
It's called Crackle.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:05.359
You've probably seen the magazine, but this is the next evolution.
00:19:05.599 --> 00:19:09.359
The app is about one thing helping firefighters not fail.
00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:16.079
Not just on the job, but in life, in your health, your relationships, your mindset, and your longevity.
00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:24.720
That's why Crackle is designed to meet firefighters exactly where they are, with resources that make sense, are easy to use, and actually respect your time.
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:28.160
You can download the app now for free as a legacy member.
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:33.200
That means you get early access to exclusive content tools and updates as they drop.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:40.880
Use the QR code on the screen to download the Crackle app, or you can download it from the App Store or Google Play and stay in the fight.
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:44.079
Not just at work, but at home and in your own head too.
00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:48.400
Because your best days shouldn't be behind you, they should be ahead of you.
00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:55.920
And and Carmine, so as you touched on, um you sort of had this descent into addiction.
00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:09.039
Could talk more about that, um, you know, what that how that affected your life and also how you became aware that at some point that it was going to be something you had to take steps, take action to uh make changes.
00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:10.640
Yeah.
00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:16.799
Um I got hurt early on in my career, I think it was like 2012, hurt my back.
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:21.680
And um they immediately put me on painkillers and physical therapy.
00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:24.400
And you know, like I said, those painkillers worked.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:29.119
They quieted the mind, they hurt, you know, relaxed my back, they relaxed my stress.
00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:32.640
I was nicer at home, I felt like it was more efficient at work.
00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:42.880
Yeah um and after a few years on these painkillers, doctors decided to cut me off because they didn't want to get me addicted.
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:44.000
Oh yeah.
00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:45.519
It was too late, right?
00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:46.400
Yeah, exactly.
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:47.680
That's exactly my point.
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:55.279
And so I resorted to you, you know, using um street drugs to just get through the day.
00:20:55.359 --> 00:21:00.799
Um no longer just is about getting high, it was no longer about the the back pain.
00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:03.759
It was just getting normal.
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:06.799
It was just being able to get up and go to work now.
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:23.759
Um and it happened so quickly, and I can't express how quickly it happened from me needing it for the pain, mean to me needing it to quiet down, to me needing it to go to sleep, to me needing it to just feel normal in the morning.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:28.480
It was such a quick spiral, um, and it was scary.
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:34.960
And the opiates the opiates are among the most powerful.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:35.680
Yes.
00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:46.480
Um substance abuse to find how to get past it.
00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:48.400
How did you get past it, Carmen?
00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:50.400
Oh my god, how did I get past it?
00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:51.839
Yeah, we gotta know.
00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:52.640
We gotta know.
00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:58.799
I I've been in rehab over 30 times.
00:21:58.960 --> 00:21:59.759
I've had 50.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:04.319
Even if I went overdoses, I was in the ICU room three times.
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:08.000
Um I just never gave up.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:08.640
Yeah.
00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:11.279
I mean, I just never gave up.
00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:19.519
Every time I would have a relapse, I would go back to, you know, the C the fire department, we have a counseling unit and they're amazing.
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:22.319
You could give them a call and they'll send you right back to a rehab.
00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:24.480
And these they literally saved my life.
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:24.960
Okay.
00:22:25.279 --> 00:22:29.279
Um every time I had a slip, I would call them and I would go.
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:32.000
And I would go and I would never give up on myself.
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:34.000
I did everything I was told.
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:39.359
I went to the meetings, I did the steps, I got a sponsor, I did everything I was told, and everything worked.
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:42.960
Everything does work if you work it and if you make the most of it.
00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:49.920
Um so it takes, and I want people to hear this, sometimes it takes more than one time through rehab.
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:50.559
Yeah.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:53.680
Uh especially in my case.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:57.839
Um I was not an easy case by any means.
00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:02.640
Um and it was so different, it was it was the hardest part of my life.
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:14.079
It was 12 years of constant rehabs, constant detox, got constant withdrawals, constant relapse, constant hope, constant success, and constant failures.
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:17.599
Um how did your fan weight cope with that?
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:20.400
Oh, my wife is amazing.
00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:23.440
You know, she really is stuck with me throughout the whole time.
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:25.920
Um, she never gave up on me.
00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:30.160
Um, they they they were very hopeful.
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:36.559
I think they knew what I was capable of, and they were hoping that I would find out what I was capable of.
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:38.000
You know.
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:43.599
It takes away your dreams, it takes away your goals.
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:48.960
So when you don't have anything to strive for, you know, life becomes very bleak.
00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:54.480
Carmine, um, so uh talk more about the CSU.
00:23:54.640 --> 00:24:02.480
We've had uh Drew Kane and Frank Leto on as guests, and they do amazing work, and it's uh it's such an incredible resource for FDNY.
00:24:02.640 --> 00:24:13.599
I'd love you to speak more about that, how it how they kind of supported you during that time and were able to get you through it and you know what what you found to be the most effective resources that they offered.
00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:18.480
Yeah, I mean CSU really does great work.
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:31.039
Um they they have they not only do they have a network of detoxes and rehabs and mental health counselors and mental health professionals available to us, but they have peer um peer support groups.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:38.640
They have peer group members that will come out to different stations and firehouses and talk to the guys after a critical incident.
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:51.759
Um they're really doing and they network with other agencies and departments across the country to get bet to you know to get better updates, information, and they will also help out other departments across the country.
00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:54.480
So they really do a lot of altruistic work.
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:57.519
You know, it's not just for the city of New York.
00:24:57.599 --> 00:25:03.920
They really help out other departments across the country, and honestly, it's it's amazing to watch them do what they do.
00:25:04.079 --> 00:25:10.319
Um, they take in guys, you know, that are struggling like me, and you know, they give them a home.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:13.200
And it's really meaningful work.
00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:15.680
It really is, and they give them a lot of credit.
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:24.480
So, Caroline, what advice do you have for first responders that might be struggling in silence with something similar to what you went through?
00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:28.799
I would say talk to the right people about it.
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:32.000
Uh, there still is a stigma, unfortunately, with some people.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:37.519
Um, but we all know the people that that we can talk to about this at the station, at the house.
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:38.400
We all knew.
00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:47.119
Um and I want them to know that just because you're struggling doesn't mean your career's over, it doesn't mean your life is over.
00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:51.759
It means that you have something, an obstacle in your way that you need to come across.
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:53.839
And you gotta you need to tackle it.
00:25:53.920 --> 00:26:01.279
And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, this is a obstacle that we can't do alone.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:06.960
We need support from our brothers and sisters out there that are what want to help us that are willing to help us.
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:08.720
Um this is a big fight.
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:10.799
Yeah, a big fight.
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:20.000
Yeah, no, no, on a practical level, are there routines or resources that you use that you found effective to help you if you're having like a rough, you know, rough patch, a rough moment?
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:23.119
Um times we, you know, we just need like a coping mechanism.
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:25.039
What do you find works the best?
00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:31.200
Uh see, I would love to sit up here and tell you I do yoga every morning for 85 minutes.
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:35.680
I I stretch and I thank God for the sunlight in the morning.
00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:36.240
I don't.
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:45.359
But what I do do um is I try to find moments throughout the day where I could be by myself and with myself and with my thoughts.
00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:45.839
Right.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:51.359
Because to me, self-care doesn't self-care doesn't look the same to everyone.
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:55.279
You know, some people it is Pilates in yoga, some people it is meditation.
00:26:55.839 --> 00:27:02.799
For me, it's just sitting with myself, being in tune with myself and listening to what my body's saying to me.
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:05.920
All right, so you're not listening to music, you're listening to your body.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:07.440
Are you listening to your mind?
00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:08.400
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:08.559 --> 00:27:14.559
So I sit in silence and I listen to my mind, and I I could my mind can entertain me for days.
00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:16.640
I could sit in, you know, I get that.
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:18.640
It's a partying going on in there 24-7.
00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:20.079
Party in your head.
00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:20.640
You know?
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:32.000
You know, Carmine, I what do you say to the first responders that um they they're like, look, I've tried meditation, I try sitting quietly.
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:34.960
I can't stand what's going on in my head.
00:27:35.119 --> 00:27:36.880
What's your advice to them?
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:40.000
It's a journey.
00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:41.359
It's you know, it's a journey.
00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:43.200
It's gonna take steps by steps.
00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:51.680
Right now, you don't like what's going on in your head because for me, I didn't like the voices in my head because the actions that I did.
00:27:52.240 --> 00:28:01.680
You know, once I changed my actions and my actions proved to be positive, then the voices in turn became positive.
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:03.680
But it took time.
00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:04.960
It took time.
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:07.920
You know, they say how do you know how do you build self-esteem?
00:28:08.079 --> 00:28:09.839
You do esteemable things.
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:12.720
You know, you start holding the door open for people behind you.
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:18.720
You know, you help you help your neighbors out when they when we got 20 inches of snow and you gotta help them, you know?
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:20.880
Do esteemable things.
00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:23.279
So when you put your head at night, you feel good.
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:27.519
And when you go to bed feeling good, you wake up with positive behaviors and attitudes.
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:29.039
And it's a cascade.
00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:30.079
I call it momentum.
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:33.680
Life has momentum, and you need to create the momentum.
00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:37.440
And the hardest part about creating momentum is the start.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:40.000
Is the start, is getting that ball down the hill.
00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:43.119
Once that ball goes down the hill, it creates amazing things.
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:45.359
You just gotta let it go, get out of its way.
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:47.440
And sometimes I gotta get out of my own way.
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:52.960
She fulfilled a promise that was made to her husband and donated his organs so others could live.
00:28:53.119 --> 00:28:55.759
Five lives were saved in the process.
00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.319
He always did what was better for other people instead of himself.
00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:02.720
I would definitely consider my dad a hero.
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:04.160
Getting the word out there.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:05.359
You're saving lives.
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:08.319
Actually, they're help help my parents to be able to get me up.
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:10.559
Come on, so I can definitely get the dialysis.
00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:12.799
I heard about you and I'm gonna help you.
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:14.480
I saved my life.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:17.599
Yeah, from every hero, donate life.
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:36.319
So, Carmine, what you just said without even knowing it, is that you need to replace the dopamine hit of your alcohol or your heroin or your opiates or your con you know, buying on Amazon or your pornography.
00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:43.440
You need to replace the dopamine hit, and that goes right to the reward centers of the brain, and that's why it's so hard to stop.
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:49.839
You have to replace it with something else that feels good, like a an act of kindness, anything.
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:55.839
It could be, it doesn't have to cost money, you you know, like op holding a door open to use your example.
00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:56.559
Yeah.
00:29:56.799 --> 00:29:57.440
Absolutely.
00:29:57.599 --> 00:30:05.599
I mean, when uh anyone in the recovery world knows that, you know, the the tenants and the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous is one alcoholic help helping another.
00:30:05.839 --> 00:30:09.839
And that you know, is supposed to replace that dopamine here, like you're talking about, Stacey.
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:10.160
Right.
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:10.400
Yeah.
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:12.799
You know, helping somebody else makes you feel good.
00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:13.119
Yeah.
00:30:13.279 --> 00:30:16.799
Um, and it also reinforces what you have in your sobriety.
00:30:17.039 --> 00:30:22.799
So absolutely, being there for somebody else and being part of a community is huge for me.
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:24.799
It's huge for me to keep to stay sober.
00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:26.160
Do it alone.
00:30:26.319 --> 00:30:29.680
I I don't know anybody who sobers up alone, to be honest.
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:30.799
No, you can't.
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:40.720
And we're touching on something else that uh if you if you can speak to this, Karma, and I know I have noticed it and I've done kind of done my own deep dive into it.
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:53.680
And that that is when we're doing the job, EMS, fire, law enforcement, whatever it may be, we are getting dopamine hits by helping others, by being of service and the kindnesses that we do and and other feel-good hormones, right?
00:30:53.839 --> 00:30:57.680
And we leave the job for whatever reason, we retire or we're medically retired.
00:30:57.839 --> 00:30:59.680
Now we don't have that anymore, right?
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:07.680
So what you're talking about in terms of just everyday kindnesses is a great way to kind of replace what we had um when we were doing the job.
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:09.680
Did have you found that to be true?
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:10.400
Yeah.
00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:14.880
I since I retired, I found myself being extra nice to people.
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:21.599
Um you know, it gets my wife, you know, questioning me, like, why are you being so nice to people?
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:25.200
Why'd you walk the the lady's groceries to her car?
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:27.119
And um, and it makes sense, you know.
00:31:27.200 --> 00:31:29.039
I was she didn't marry that guy, right?
00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:30.400
She didn't marry that guy.
00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:35.200
Like yelling and screaming about the five years ago, right?
00:31:35.519 --> 00:31:35.680
Right.
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:40.960
But it was, yeah, I find myself being of service more to people, and yeah, absolutely.
00:31:41.119 --> 00:31:41.279
Yeah.
00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:46.640
Well, I could tell you, Carmine, I think David gets his dopamine hits by doing the uh the show.
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:48.480
Yeah, that's one of the ways.
00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:50.319
And uh 22-0.
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:51.680
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:51.839 --> 00:31:53.519
I mean, we we crave it, right?
00:31:53.599 --> 00:32:02.559
And and there's so much opportunity to have those dopamine, oxytocin, uh whatever the feel-good hormones are that we get doing the job.
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:05.519
So many opportunities, call after call, whatever that looks like.
00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:10.240
Sometimes, you know, people come up to us in the grocery store and say, you know, thank you for your service.
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:14.480
And okay, we don't necessarily feel like we need to be thanked, but it's nice, right?
00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:17.279
It's nice to have some kind of you know, validation acknowledgement.
00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:20.880
And so now no we're no longer doing the job.
00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:28.160
Yeah, we don't wearing the uniform showing up in that apparatus with flashing lights and you know, saving the day.
00:32:28.319 --> 00:32:30.559
That is a huge piece and uh so important.
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:43.440
And then you don't have that in retirement.
00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:45.599
How do you replace that car, Mine?
00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:48.799
Oh, how do I replace Are you skydiving?
00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:50.000
Are you what are you doing?
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:51.680
I have done skydiving.
00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:54.400
You see, I that's I'm not psychic either.
00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:55.119
I'm not psychic.
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:56.720
I have gone skydiving.
00:32:56.880 --> 00:33:05.519
Um after my injuries with my neck and I have a bunch of screws on my neck, I can't really do uh fun stuff like roller coasters or F1 driving.
00:33:05.759 --> 00:33:16.640
Um but I find chaos in starting businesses, and so I am starting businesses because it's risky, it's scary, you don't know if it's gonna fail, if it's gonna work.
00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:16.960
Right.
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:21.039
It's fast everything just may blow up into ashes.
00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:21.519
Right.
00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:23.759
And um I like it.
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:24.160
Okay.
00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:31.039
It reminds me of that from other first responders in my my comfort zone is chaos.
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:32.400
They've actually said that.
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:33.200
It is.
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:34.480
It 100% is.
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:36.079
Um absolutely.
00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:39.279
That's so good you found something that uh that replaces that.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:43.359
And um is there anything else you're doing out there to help other first responders?
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:48.319
Any any kind of um you know mission-oriented work or service-oriented work?
00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:54.799
Well, I do um I try to do as much I go to um EMS and fire conferences and expos.
00:33:55.200 --> 00:34:00.160
Um I recently spoke at the EMS World Expo 2025 in Indianapolis.
00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:00.480
Nice.
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:03.920
I spoke, I was a speaker there on PTSD and addiction.
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:14.559
Um, and I'm really trying to share my experience with other people who may be struggling to let them know just do not give up on yourself because there is light at the end of the tunnel.
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:20.239
And the only thing you need to do correctly is just not give up on yourself.
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:23.039
Everything else, everything else will fall into place.
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:28.239
Um, or it won't, but at least you'll be here to make it put it or put it back in its place.
00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:34.320
Well, whatever is there, we can't put it back into place, if that makes any sense.
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:34.880
Right, right.
00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:35.760
You have to exist.
00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:40.000
Don't give up on yourself, don't take your life, you know, your life is worth keeping.
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:46.079
Especially now we have so many suicides coming on and emails and fire and first responders and the whole.
00:34:46.239 --> 00:34:50.079
Um, it's it needs to be talked about, it needs to be said.
00:34:50.400 --> 00:35:04.239
You know, like just because you're struggling and you may be shameful of your addiction, you may be ashamed that you're doing things that don't coincide with your values, there is another there is a come-up story from that.
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:04.639
Yeah.
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:07.519
Yeah, and choice, right?
00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:10.719
Sometimes uh in that moment it seems like there's no other choice.
00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:12.880
Um, but there's always other choices.
00:35:13.039 --> 00:35:14.400
That's so so important.
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:18.079
Carmine, anything you want to share about where people can find you?
00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:25.119
Uh anything like social media or whatever um that's out there if you want anybody to kind of learn more about what you're up to.
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:27.679
Yeah, they could always follow me on my Facebook.
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:30.079
It's my it's my first land first name and last name.
00:35:30.159 --> 00:35:35.599
It's Carmine Fury, or you can follow me on my Instagram at CarmineFury12285.
00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:40.960
Um and yeah, I you know, you can reach out on my Linktree through there, reach out to me.
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:49.920
Um, I support veterans and first responders um all across the nation, and I'm always there for people who want to ask questions, they want to talk, they want to share their stories.
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:53.199
I would love to hear, and I would love to be there for you guys.
00:35:53.519 --> 00:35:54.079
Perfect.
00:35:54.320 --> 00:35:56.480
Yeah, Stacy, any final thoughts?
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:00.000
I just appreciate your your message today, Carmine.
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:17.039
You know, it really um goes further when we hear from someone who's you know served in the military or as and as a first responder, it goes a lot further than say someone like myself giving advice, you know, as a professional.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:25.199
So, you know, certainly anyone listening that is doing the work that you're doing, you know, I'm I'm sure that you landed with them today.
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:27.519
Thank you guys so much.
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:28.400
Yeah, 100%.
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:36.559
Uh so much appreciate your honesty and vulnerability, especially because someone who needs to hear your message, uh, it's gonna make that impact.
00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:41.920
So we appreciate you being here with us today, sharing all that, and wish you all the best moving forward.
00:36:42.239 --> 00:36:45.360
Thank you guys so much for having me and for sharing my message.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:46.880
Really appreciate that.
00:36:47.119 --> 00:36:48.480
You're doing God's work.
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:50.079
So are you?
00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:51.599
Yes, we all are.
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:52.559
Thank you.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:37:01.760
Remember to like and subscribe, YouTube Responder Resilience, Facebook, Responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and our website is respondertv.com.
00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:46.639
Till the next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself, take care of the city.
