WEBVTT
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We all said it in the beginning when we got hired.
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The reason why we want to do this is we want to help people.
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Then you kind of forget about yourself.
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And most therapists that understand the first responder profession will do it with compassion.
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They're not gonna make you feel like you're weak or that you're not capable of still doing your job.
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In the promotional process, I had so much more confidence going into them that I was able to convey the messages that I already had in me.
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You can be a better father, you can be a better husband, you could be a better co-worker, and as a supervisor, I can help people's mindsets just be so much better at work, their morale can be better.
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I did everything I could to do well on this test, and if I don't get it, it's just not my time.
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And I was okay with that.
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Welcome to Respond Resilience, along with Bonnie Rumeli, LCSW, EMT, I'm David Dashinger.
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Today we're joined by Lieutenant Jimmy Van Watem of the Ridgefield, Connecticut Police Department for an in-depth conversation about transforming pain into promotion and its connection to post-traumatic growth.
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We'll explore the realities of police work and physical health and examine the shift from the old school mentality to a new mindset around mental wellness, and we'll discuss what steps to take when your usual self-care strategies just aren't enough to manage the stress of the job and everyday life.
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We'll be right back to speak with Jimmy after this.
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Ask a first responder who they are, and you're likely to hear I am a police officer.
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I am a firefighter.
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I am a I am a 911 communications operator.
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Not I do this work, but I am this job.
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Ask a clinician why they work with first responders.
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And they may say, There's no higher quality than helping helpers.
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Join us in shaping a culture where mental health, wellness, and leadership are prioritized, not whispered, which support is a sign of strength, not failure, and where no one has to carry the weight alone.
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Welcome to Responder Resilience, which shed a spotlight on the unseen battles of first responder reality, and celebrate the powerful wins that come from the grit of post-traumatic growth.
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We understand the culture, honor the trust, and bring you conversations from the change makers, passionate about helping first responders come home whole.
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With your hosts, retired Lieutenant David Dashinger, Dr.
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Stacey Raymond, and Bonnie Roomley, LCSW EMT.
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We'd like to welcome Lieutenant Jimmy Van Watem.
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He's the 14-year veteran of the Richfield, Connecticut Police Department, where he currently supervises the midnight shift, and he's uh upholding operational readiness and professional standards.
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As a certified instructor in defensive tactics, firearms, building searches, and use of force, Jimmy has played a key role in advancing officer proficiency and safety.
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He serves on multiple specialty units, including the Western Connecticut ESU, accident investigation, and honor guard, reflecting his broad tactical, analytical, and ceremonial expertise.
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Beyond his departmental responsibilities, Jimmy is a Brazilian jujitsu purple belt and accomplished ultramarathon runner, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to wellness, discipline, resilience, and continuous personal growth.
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Jimmy, warm welcome to respond to resilience.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for having me on here.
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It's great to see you, and it's great to have someone local too.
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We try to make sure that we're still inclusive of our local friends here.
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Jimmy, I'm eager to jump in with you here and hear about your healing journey.
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Um, you've been pretty open and honest with David and I about attending therapy and healing.
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And so we'd love to hear, in your words, what that journey is and was.
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So for me, the way I got into doing therapy was the when I got promoted to sergeant, I they were pushing uh doing therapy and making sure your mental health was uh good so that you can better provide for your uh subordinance.
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And it started to really resonate with me, and I realized like how can I help my officers if I myself am not going to therapy.
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So I was like, hey, let me try it out.
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Let me find a therapist, let me go and see what this is about, and just as an exploratory uh uh thing to do, and then I realized, wow, I actually need this, and it was how and became a thing that I was like, I really need to do this, and it started to open my eyes on the different things and difficulties that I was experiencing.
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Um so in doing so, like it opened my eyes to different types of therapy.
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Not everybody, you know, it's not all therapies are the same.
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It's not just sitting on the couch and like having someone you know jot down notes.
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It was more personable and uh and it really uh helped me um open my eyes and expand my uh uh thought process and how to like handle things.
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And um and I started with Bonnie actually and she we did EMDR tr uh therapy, which was I I feel like it was like the supercharged version of therapy.
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Uh I was able to go through a lot of different uh aspects of my life fairly quickly and kind of compartmentalize everything, go through the trauma that it was experienced, and then place it on the proper area in my brain.
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So now that it, you know, I it and it also revealed things that I didn't even know were issues, uh and it was able to work through it and uh make myself stronger.
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And it was very uh eye-opening the EMDR training, very or therapy.
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It was very good.
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I uh loved it, uh as Bind can attest to.
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That's great.
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You you brought up so many great points there, and and something uh actually I was speaking to a psychologist this morning about how great would it be if you got points towards your promotion uh stat you know status if you had mental health um, you know, done work, mental health for yourself.
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Um, how cool would that be if we moved into that kind of paradigm where that's actually rewarded uh in a promotion process?
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And and so Jim, term talk about how this all came about.
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Like what were some self-care strategies you were using before you got to therapy that worked or perhaps didn't work, and talk about um you know how you may have uh shifted out of that into some some new tools and techniques.
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So originally I would do a lot of like I did breath work, especially during uh the COVID times, a lot of stress was coming in through there, and that's what really started to uh I started getting like panic attacks, anxiety.
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I didn't I didn't really understand what was going on.
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I didn't even know what a panic attack was or what it felt like, and uh like the pulling on my chest, just you know, every once in a while be like, Am I having a heart attack?
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Like, what is going on right now?
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So I would do it would all go away if I went and went for a run, did exercise, and then one of the tools that I had that was helping me out was there was nothing to jitsu, but at the time the gyms were closed, we weren't allowed to have any contact, so that was like taken away from me, and I wasn't able to use that strategy.
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So I used I would use like cold plunges, breath work, like the Wim Hof uh breathing methods I would use, which worked really well, but then there was a point where it just wasn't working anymore, and it was there was more to it.
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There was something that I didn't know.
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There's a mental aspect that I just couldn't uh uh figure out that was bothering me because there's underlying things from like childhood and my teens and twenties that I did not realize were bothering me, that were coming up.
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And uh one of the things that we came to discover is my sons were becoming the age of when this trauma occurred, and I was it was unknowingly to me bringing back these feelings, and I didn't know why it was happening, then I realized, oh, my sons are this age when this happened to me, and I didn't, you know, I didn't want this to happen to them, so I was kind of like it was internalizing and I didn't realize it.
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Okay.
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No, I think those are incredible insights, and the fact that you you even just said that statement, a lot of people don't realize, but you can be triggered in so many different ways.
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And I think as parents, the time of trigger is when your child is that age.
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So I'm so glad that you brought that up because for the listeners, it might not even be something at work that triggers this, it could just be something in your personal or family life that's happening, like Jimmy just described.
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More than modalities, EMS clients need a clinician who gets it.
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Someone who will answer the call when they finally make it, someone who won't flinch, won't freeze, and won't patronize.
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As one therapist said, if they trust you, they'll spread the word to other EMS providers, and they'll never forget you.com.
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Can you talk a little bit about specifically why you chose EMDR?
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Why did you look at that avenue?
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I so I have a friend, he's a sergeant now in Southbury.
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He uh mentioned it to me and he gave me uh a website, I forget the website, it's what it it's called, but it shows the EMD EMDR therapists.
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And I picked a few out, it just didn't work out, and then for for some I forget what reason, but your name popped up.
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I called you and you were like, come on in, and we started doing it, and uh it just seemed like a really good fit to because I just wanted to kind of get to the root problem kind of quickly.
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It seemed like this would be a good fit for me, and it worked really, really well.
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Uh I was able to process a lot of information quickly, it brought up memories very quickly.
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It wasn't uh I didn't have to like go through a bunch of stuff to get to a core memory, it kind of like brought it, it bubbled it up to the surface.
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And then now and also with the EMDR, uh I realized throughout like with reading, because it reading would trigger it now, because now I knew the thought process behind the EMDR.
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So throughout the week I can get memories that I could go to therapy with because of me knowing the way the EMDR process worked.
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Running would bring up memories, reading.
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So it I was able to like stack stuff uh throughout the week, then I can bring it to Bonnie and be like, hey, here's all the things that I here's all the things that I I thought of during the week while I was running or or reading, and it and it was able to like quickly go through these things and really process the trauma and different issues that I had.
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Uh it was it was great.
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Well, it's like thanks for bringing this stock, Jimmy.
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Now I have so much work to do.
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But yeah, but jokes jokes aside, do you think um do you think EMDR just lends itself so well to the first responder brain because of how you're used to looking and approaching tasks?
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Uh yes, because it it seems like it's a a solution to a problem, which we like.
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We like to have that like set thing that like this is gonna help you.
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Because uh with a lot of our training, if a lot of our training involves a lot of talking and just like going through the emotions, it it's not very effective.
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But if you have like, hey, this thing should should work for you if you put your mind to it, so let's try it.
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So, like, that's the way with like I know police, if we have a thing that will work, we're gonna try using it.
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It's it'll be uh something that we put into our you know tool belt, as we would say, and have it uh available and ready.
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I want to underscore a couple of things you said a few minutes ago that I think are so cool and kind of indicative of the the kind of change that we're seeing across our professions.
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One is you said you called a colleague in another police department and had a conversation about um therapists, and the second is that you've tried a few before you found a good fit.
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Um with all that said, and definitely speak to that if you like, uh with all that said, can you talk about the difference between what was the old school mentality and about therapy and mental health and now where are we now with the new mindset?
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Oh, of course.
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So I know the way I was grew up in the people that I was raised by.
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It's you know, tough it out, you know, we have that uh older generation of you know, just tough it out, suck it up, go through it, and just grind through it, which for certain aspects it's great to do, it's good to have.
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But now there's a shift to hey, let's talk about certain things because you know what, there's probably people going through the same thing, and you don't have to suffer in silence, like you can actually like oh, you're going through that too.
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And the more you talk about it, you realize everybody around you is going through something, and you didn't even realize it.
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And this buddy he does jujitsu with me, and he has been through a lot of critical incidents.
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Like, I didn't even realize the amount of stuff, like I thought I saw some stuff, he saw more, and then a bunch of the jujitsu guys.
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There's uh there was uh Ontario provincial police uh officer that comes down and trains with us.
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He even said he was like, Hey, make sure you get yourself checked out.
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He was like, Sometimes you don't realize there's something there, and then all of a sudden it hits you and it happened to him, and he was very open about it.
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And you know, that was just another officer that I looked up to.
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I he was a he's a mentor when it comes to jujitsu, and he's uh and he's also a police officer, and I was like, Oh wow.
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So then I'm like, So now I'm me, I'm not gonna be quiet about stuff.
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So I'll be I'll chat with everybody there, like, hey, what do you what's going on here?
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Like, I'll see if there's things going on, and I'll let them know, like, hey, I'm going through this right now, just to open up, just because when people hear you talking about it, they'll be like, you know, actually, yeah, I'm kind of dealing with something like that too.
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Cause I don't, you know, I I'm not good at keeping my stuff to myself sometimes.
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I like to like just let it out.
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You know what?
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I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
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And I think if everyone just wore it out there a little bit more and talked about it, it would give people permission.
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And sort of along those lines, I I want to ask you if somebody's listening or watching today and they're a police officer or a first responder who is scared to go to therapy, scared to make that call, what would you say to them right now?
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It it's just a phone call, and then all you're doing is having a conversation with someone.
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And most therapists that understand the first responder uh uh profession will under will do it with compassion.
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They're not gonna make you feel like you're weak or that you're not capable of still doing your job.
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They're just gonna help you get through whatever is happening so that you can better do your job.
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And if you want to be a helper to others, you need to help yourself first.
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Like a strong being able to be strong yourself is the biggest thing first, and then you can start helping others.
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Like we all said it in the beginning when we got hired that we the reason why we want to do this is we want to help people, and then you kind of forget about yourself.
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So now you have to kind of just take that leap of faith.
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It's scary, you know.
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Sometimes for some it might be embarrassing, or you might feel weak doing it, but man, the strength you get out of it afterwards is crazy.
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The my mindset now is so much better.
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I feel so much stronger, my workouts are better, the training feels better, like my runs feel so much, it's more of joyous than like let me just run through this and just grind it out.
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Like, it's not that anymore.
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It's oh, this is a really beautiful day.
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I love being in the woods right now.
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This is great.
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So it it really can open things up.
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You can be a better father, you could be a better husband, uh, you can be a better co-worker, and as a supervisor, I can help people's mindsets just be so much better at work, their morale can be better, and just bring try to bring joy.
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Like, you know, we're a tough job, we see really crappy things, and I just want to make the rest of it not crappy.
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Yeah, and I I really appreciate the fact that you are um when you're doing this work on yourself, it's not only for yourself, but it's for the people that you lead, the people that you serve, your family, um, everybody in in kind of in your sphere is all positively affected by it.
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So uh it's such a great, great thing to hear.
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Uh, and you touched on your your running.
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Um curious about all of that.
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Like talk a little bit about ultra-marathoning, and especially uh as we were talking about offline, there's could be an element of suffering doing something.
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I know I've done a couple of marathons, and it was some points where I was like, it's gonna be mind over matter to get through this because my body is does not want to run anymore.
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So talk about suffering, you know, how that plays into not only your running, but also life in general.
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So I started running more and more during like the COVID because that's all I had to like get away, get out, and start running.
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And then I was like, oh, let's see how far I can go.
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I was like, man, this, you know, I I would start feeling pain, and I'm like, well, let's see how far I can push through this pain.
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And then it just kept getting more and more mileage on, and I was like, oh, let me do a half marathon, and I did that, and then do a marathon, and then recently I did a 50k, and that was 32 miles in the woods, it was 8,000 feet of elevation, like it was tough.
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It was and even enduring that you are you know, you get to you almost want to get to the suffering or the pain as quickly as possible because then you can just get used to it.
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If it if it's easy and then the pain comes in, then that really shuts your mindset down.
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But it it kind of like I did it originally because I was like, let's see how much pain I can endure.
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And now it's like, let's see how much I can you need to endure your pain, but more it's not I'm not at a suffering, like let make me suffer.
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It's like how can I get my mind around this and push through and let's see how far I can go.
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And it it's changing it changes the way I I uh think about things.
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It's you have to prep for it, the running, the planning, it all helps with like everything, keeps my mind occupied.
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I need to keep it busy.
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So the ultra does it translate to your job?
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The running itself doesn't I don't think it really helps with the police work itself, but the mindset stuff is good because it you know you might have to get yourself into a really uncomfortable position, but you have to keep pushing through.
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If say it's a really traumatic event or a really high um stress situation, it gives you the ability to kind of like calm your mind down, realize you have to just take it one step at a time.
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Don't think about you can't think about the outcome or the future of what this situation is gonna be.
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You have to take it as uh little chunks at a time.
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What is the first problem?
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What's the main problem?
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Let's go from there.
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And that's what like the ultra marathoning was like that like, oh, I'm running out of fuel, I need to have energy, this is my first problem, and then you kind of go through a list of things of what you need, and you just keep uh addressing them as they come.
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So it's it's the same with police work, you have to just figure out what the biggest problem is uh that you have right away, and then start working on that, and then other issues will start to arise, and you just start chunking them out and taking them as they come because you can't think about the outcome or the future because it'll bog you down and it'll make you want to quit.
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The chapters of helping helpers build intentionally, layering cultural understanding, trauma insight, therapeutic strategy, and professional sustainability into a coherent whole.
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Each section is designed to deepen the clinician's ability to show up with skill, respect, and lasting.
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Impact in a field where the stakes could not be higher.
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This is not easy work.
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It will test your skill, your boundaries, and your ability to carry without absorbing.
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But for those who choose it with intention and integrity, it can become the most meaningful work of a clinical career.
00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:39.599
You know, you said something really interesting before about something in these painful workouts was a way of self-punishment.
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:42.160
Can you talk a little bit about that?
00:22:43.359 --> 00:23:00.319
Yes, so some of the workouts I do, and not just the running, is they're just brutal, just like CrossFit style or hit training, like I'll put a gas mask on, or flip a really heavy tire, and it's just a suffer session.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:11.839
Like as soon as you start doing it, your heart rate goes through the roof, and you're just kind of like suffering through it, and it it's it's just pain, and it's how much you can tolerate.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:21.519
And I used to do it just to be like, you know, be tough and just suck it up and go through it and just you know, do the work, like don't complain.
00:23:21.759 --> 00:23:28.640
And now I'm just like, okay, how can I get through this workout and be effective doing it?
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:32.960
Like I kind of changed the way I don't do it to make myself suffer.
00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:40.640
I'm like, how can I strategize myself to do this, uh experience the pain and figure out how to work around it?
00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:48.079
And let's segue from that, especially speaking about pain, to the whole promotion piece and in your journey.
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:52.720
Um how does pain or how did that translate into promotion?
00:23:52.880 --> 00:24:02.960
Like, how did therapy and working through your you know, things you needed to work through in therapy make a difference in your promotion process?
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:19.119
So in the promotional process, you know, you have your uh you have to study for your written tests, you have your interviews, and what I realized was, you know, I figured out what my strengths and weaknesses are.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:25.200
Like the interviewing part, I'm really I do really well with, and I figured out different strategies to improve that.
00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:37.440
But the hardest part maybe was studying for the test, and I realized with being with Bonnie that, you know, I have ADHD and you know my intention.
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:50.799
I had strategies that I built in over the years I didn't realize to help me with it, but I realized that when I pile on stuff, it helps me kind of concentrate on the the main, the most important thing.
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.319
Like I said, like chunking things out and putting the priorities first.
00:24:54.480 --> 00:25:01.119
If I put enough on my plate, I then can now I don't have that um procrastination that comes with it sometimes.
00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:05.759
It's not really procrastinating, it's just you don't want to do the thing that you should be doing.
00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:21.440
Uh it it's a I feel like it's a little different, but anyways, I would be able to get my I understood like, hey, this is a reason why I'm not doing this studying right now, so let me go and do a workout and get my mind right.
00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:38.480
So I was able to navigate the promotional process a little bit better, and then what it also came with the post-traumatic growth was my confidence in that I am actually good at what I do, and you know, yeah, I can convey this a lot better.
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:47.039
Like I'm good at helping guys become better officers, I'm good at like doing the job that I'm doing.
00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:53.440
I just you know, I come in, I encounter, I make mistakes, I encounter my flaws, and then I try working on them.
00:25:53.599 --> 00:26:00.319
It's you know, the the flaws that I have are not they're not end-all things, like I can work through them and make them better.
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:14.240
So, and I've been doing it ever since I was a kid, I didn't realize it, but now like recognizing it, working through it through therapy, I'm able to like quickly recognize like, oh, I'm having this issue, how do I do better with this?
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:22.559
So, in the promotional process itself, I think it really shined in my interviewing, and my test scores did do better.
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:32.000
I did a lot better, but in the interviewing, I had so much more confidence going into them that I was able to convey the messages that were already that I already had in me.
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:39.759
Do you think it's almost like you do the trauma work, you do all the therapy, you face all the things that you need to get through?
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:47.680
It's like all this noise is removed, all this distraction, all of this that was keeping you from getting to that place.
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:49.680
Talk about that a little bit.
00:26:50.240 --> 00:27:48.480
There was there was definitely a lot of distraction because I would want to distract myself from a lot of the things that are going on, or like every once in a while I'd have this like pain in my chest, or i I would hold stress in my shoulder, and now I know how to recognize like if I am getting stressed out, what my physical because people don't realize some of your injuries and they're quote unquote injuries, they're not I don't sometimes I don't think they're injuries, it's stress just builds up in certain parts of your body, and it just lingers there, and it it you feel it, so those distractions will prevent you from either doing that workout or doing the study you need because you're just focused on the things that are you know, you start focusing on those things, or you start thinking about the future like I'm not gonna get this, I'm not gonna be able to do this, I'm not gonna do well on this test, this interview, I might bomb it because of this.
00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:54.000
But I was so focused on the preparation for it and just putting the work in.
00:27:54.079 --> 00:28:02.400
I and another thing that came from it is I was so okay with failing, like I didn't care if I failed.
00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:12.319
Like, if I didn't get promoted and I then I gave it my all and I did all the things I needed to do, then it wasn't my time.
00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:13.519
I was okay with it.
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:22.880
It gave me this like comfort that I did everything I could to do well on this test, and if I don't get it, it's just not my time.
00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:24.799
And it I was okay with that.
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:28.720
So before I would have been a mess.
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:34.400
I would have been like, I I wouldn't have put in the work, and then I would have been like, oh, that's the reason why I didn't get it.
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:39.200
I didn't do the studying, I didn't practice my interviewing, I didn't do anything, so of course I didn't get it.
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:43.920
But deep down inside, I would have all these doubts that I didn't put my best effort.
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:47.519
So I became more comfortable with failing.
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:50.880
Well, that is amazing and uh so important.
00:28:50.960 --> 00:29:07.359
I hope people that are involved in a promotion process hear that, Jimmy, because um I think we all we all struggle with those things, and and one of the things that I know I came across, and I'm curious if this is something you found is you you touched on it somewhat, is kind of that imposter syndrome.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:11.279
Like, you know, I'm really not deserving of getting this promotion.
00:29:11.359 --> 00:29:16.640
I don't, you know, I'm really not able to fulfill the role that I'm promoting, I'm trying to promote to.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:18.960
Was that something that you experienced?
00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:20.079
Oh, definitely.
00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:23.519
Especially when I became sergeant, I was like, what am I doing here?
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:25.200
I don't know what's going on.
00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:33.839
I I need to I need to figure this out quick because I I'm not I am not the the guy right now.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:36.319
Um and it's happened over the years too.
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:40.240
I be when I became a firearms instructor, I was like, why are they asking me to do this?
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:43.359
I'm pretty good at shooting, but like I don't know what's happening.
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:45.119
I don't why might me.
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:52.240
And it just I've struggled with that for such a long time that it you know it creeps in every once in a while.
00:29:52.400 --> 00:30:21.920
And even with jujitsu, they'll my coach will put that new belt on me, and I'm like, I'm not this belt rank, but he sees something in you that reflects like, hey, you are deserving of this belt, and you know, it's just with any rank or position, you know, the the people that promote you have see the see your potential, and you just have to have faith in that and just put the work you need to put in.
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:31.039
By the time a first responder sits across from you, they've likely exhausted every internal resource they have.
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:35.119
This isn't a routine appointment, it's their 911 call.
00:30:35.359 --> 00:30:38.559
You won't hear sirens, but the urgency is real.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:50.880
If you choose to take that call, understand what it means to show up, to stay steady, and to carry the weight of someone who spent a career doing the same for others.
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:54.319
Be the resource they can count on.
00:30:54.960 --> 00:31:00.480
Order your copy of Helping the Helpers Today on Amazon or for bulk book orders.
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:04.160
Contact us at info at respondertv.com.
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:18.640
I'm also wondering, uh, do you draw on any kind of a higher power spirituality faith in dealing with some of these negative thoughts about yourself?
00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:24.240
Yes, actually, the therapy got drew me a lot closer to God.
00:31:24.559 --> 00:31:35.839
I got baptized this five months ago, and it it kind of made me realize uh that he's been with me this whole time.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:50.400
And even when I have conversations, there it's I I feel like there's something that's always been helping me along because people have always been really comfortable with having conversations with me, telling me their problems and issues.
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:58.640
I've always been able to bring calm to the to the calls that I've been on, and really have people like open up and just tell me.
00:31:58.799 --> 00:32:03.279
And especially people in crisis, I've been able to really help them out.
00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:12.720
And it, you know, now that I've helped myself out, and when I go onto calls with people in crisis and I can help them, it's such a rewarding thing to do now.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:16.000
And I feel like there's always been a higher power.
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:17.920
God's definitely been helping me with that.
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:22.319
And and now I've kind of can recognize it and appreciate it.
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:32.079
And it's it it's such a blessing to to be able to still help people and be that voice of calm for people when they're in their worst days.
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:33.279
So important.
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:40.400
And those are some of the intangibles that I think uh you're bringing to your your role as a leader in the department, right?
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:56.799
And does doesn't necessarily show up on a written test or even an oral board per se, but being able to bring those qualities if you're helping a coworker or someone uh in the public that's a part of your call for service, um, those are such important skill sets to have.
00:32:57.039 --> 00:33:04.400
And so uh I applaud you for being able to talk about that and and also for just being able to bring that to you know to the to work.
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:08.480
I'd like to segue into um emotions.
00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:18.079
And I think we sometimes have a tendency to judge emotions as good or bad, or you know, I shouldn't be feeling this, or I you know it's not it's not good to have this emotion right now.
00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:24.720
Talk about fear and is that something that we should be acknowledging or you know, okay to feel?
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:28.079
Oh, fear is a wonderful thing.
00:33:28.240 --> 00:33:30.319
It's it's you're supposed to feel it.
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:34.079
Certain situations are supposed to make you feel fearful.
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:47.839
Um and one of the reasons why I went to therapy after I uh or continued with is certain calls, especially beyond the ESU, the the emergency services unit.
00:33:48.079 --> 00:34:03.599
Some of these calls are very high stress, but you should be fearful during these calls, and I wasn't feeling any fear at all, which is not good, because you need that little bit of fear to keep your uh uh senses heightened and sharpened.
00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:10.239
You're you'll be more focused, and it definitely helps you with doing the correct things.
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:15.679
If you're too lackadaisical during some of these calls, you might make mistakes, which is not good.
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:20.159
So you want to have just a little bit, but fear is definitely a good thing.
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:26.480
It helps you protect yourself and others from whatever danger might be occurring.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:36.800
Uh if you're running in running into a house where somebody's getting attacked, like you need to have that heightened sense and have that little bit of fear so that you can help protect them.
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:42.800
That was such a poignant way to describe that, and we really appreciate you going there.
00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:50.000
I'm gonna go back to another thing that you were talking about before, which was that topic of post-traumatic growth that you said you learned about.
00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:56.320
So it seems to me that you're in your post-traumatic growth phase era, whatever we want to call it.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:35:00.639
Um, and I think it's exuding through a lot of the things that you're sharing.
00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:03.920
But what does post-traumatic growth mean to you?
00:35:04.159 --> 00:35:08.000
What do you want people watching or listening to know about it?
00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:17.920
So for me, post-traumatic growth was I got myself to a baseline of where, you know, I felt good.
00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:25.519
And then I started to explore and expand on uh things like how can I do this better?
00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:34.639
How can I improve and work through I've worked through the trauma, that's no longer that's not a thing there anymore.
00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:44.159
And I was able to categorize it, put it on that shelf, and it's you know, if it pops up, I'm able to work through it really quickly and move on from it.
00:35:44.239 --> 00:35:46.800
So now I'm not distracted by that anymore.
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:52.800
And now I can focus on how can I do better, how can I make things better for myself and the people around me.
00:35:52.960 --> 00:35:59.519
So the post-traumatic growth part is a cool, it's just awesome because you're going up.
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:22.239
Now I know and I expect there to be dips because that's the way life works, it's not always up, but it's it the baseline will always raise just a little bit, and the growth part is amazing because I can focus on like being a better father now, instead of just like, how do I work through my own stuff and just keep it together?
00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:24.559
Now it's like, okay, I'm better now.
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:25.920
How can I be a better dad?
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:33.280
How can I be better for my sons and help them not have these issues that I've uh occurred, you know?
00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:36.159
How can I be a better coworker for everyone?
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:42.719
You know, it's instead of just kind of like I I had to focus on myself in order to grow.
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:53.599
So I had my period of focusing on myself, trying to main just get a good baseline, and now it's like it's almost like my growth is going to become others' growth.
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:59.920
Like I can help people become better, which is such a cool concept and thing that I love to think about.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:10.079
And along those lines, um, you touched on this earlier, and that's first responders are reluctant, I'm being general here, but we're reluctant to seek help in the first place.
00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:18.559
And sometimes we may reach out and uh connect with the therapist who maybe is not a good fit or we don't even realize it.
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:31.199
But what would your advice be to a first responder who's okay, they're ready to reach out and to a therapist and get help, but what would your advice be to find the right fit in terms of a therapist?
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:50.000
So I know in Fairfield County we have the Fairfield County Trauma Response Team, which is the best asset for our area, but even so, they are connected to plenty of therapists around, I imagine around the country, and if needed be, you can contact them and they would help you out.
00:37:50.159 --> 00:38:12.480
So, and I know a lot of the a lot of departments are starting to introduce some form of uh EPA thing, or even just starting with that would be good because that's it's a it's a base, but then if you start talking about it to others, you might realize, oh, my coworkers going to therapy.
00:38:12.639 --> 00:38:13.760
Oh, who are you seeing?
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:15.199
Is it working for you?
00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:19.360
So being open and honest with others also helps.
00:38:19.519 --> 00:38:33.199
Sometimes you don't want to do that, but if not, I know there are like the LUL only page on Facebook, guys will reach out, hey, I need help, and people like, where are you at?
00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:42.480
We'll we'll get a therapist or whatever you need, because there's plenty of it's the the mindset and the culture is definitely changing.
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:46.960
And the 10 people that will see that post will figure out a way to get you that help.
00:38:47.119 --> 00:39:02.239
So even if you need to do an anonymous post on like uh the law enforcement only page on like Facebook or reaching out to a coworker or reaching out to like an academy classmate so you can stay more anonymous with your department.
00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:05.679
Like, hey, you know, I'm going through it right now.
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:07.199
Do you know anybody that can help me?
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:13.519
Like, I have my friend who's in another department, he he kind of was able to direct me.
00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:25.760
And hopefully we can start changing that culture and start bringing other officers in from different departments to kind of like explain how the therapy thing, how therapy works, how different programs work.
00:39:26.079 --> 00:39:31.360
And I know he has a really good uh uh presentation that he can bring to other departments.
00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:38.880
So getting people like that into the departments will definitely help out and kind of let people open up and get the help they need.
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:41.360
Well, and you thank you for that.
00:39:41.519 --> 00:39:46.400
You mentioned it before as well that there's a website where you can find EMDR therapists.
00:39:46.559 --> 00:39:49.440
Yes and that is the case all over the country.
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:54.639
It's called emdria.org, emd-ria.org.
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:57.920
And you can literally type in where you live.
00:39:58.159 --> 00:40:04.239
And if you need insurance, you can search actually for therapists who work with first responders or veterans.
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:09.360
It's a phenomenal way to find someone if you also just don't know where to start.
00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:14.719
Psychology Today is also another place where people sometimes look for therapists.
00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:18.880
You can do a search based on insurance and first responders as well.
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:21.760
So there are so many great ways to do that.
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:26.800
But I think the important thing for today is you giving people the permission to do it.
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:34.880
And I know that one person is gonna hear what you said today and make a change in their life because of you.
00:40:35.519 --> 00:40:49.280
And that's all I'm looking for, and hopefully it will, because it's it it would be it'd be so good to know that someone listened to this podcast and they were like, Man, maybe I should go and reach out to somebody.
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:50.480
Maybe they'll reach out to me.
00:40:50.639 --> 00:40:52.239
Like, I doesn't matter to me.
00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:57.519
I have my Instagram page the for my like law enforcement side.
00:40:57.599 --> 00:41:05.679
If people want to direct message me and just like, hey, I need help, like I would figure out ways to to get them the help they would need.
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:07.280
Where can people find you?
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:10.559
Uh social media, any other contacts you want to share?
00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:15.039
So Instagram would be the main one, and probably the only one.
00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:19.199
It's my resilient tactics uh Instagram page.
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:39.519
I promote like exercises, mental health, defensive tactics, and firearm stuff, kind of like the culmination of all of like police work, trying to just keep you safe from your safety-wise physically, mentally, and from the job itself, because the job itself is really bad for your health.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:45.039
So the you know, trying to stay healthy in all aspects of law enforcement.
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:46.480
Yeah.
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:49.119
Jimmy, you're doing great things.
00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:53.199
Um, and it's just exuding from you in this interview.
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.440
Thank you for everything you've done for yourself, for what you do for others.
00:41:57.679 --> 00:42:01.920
And David and I can't wait to see what's next for you in your life.
00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:04.000
I'm I'm excited.
00:42:04.079 --> 00:42:07.920
It it this is a great opportunity, and I I can't thank you guys enough.
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:12.320
I really appreciate it, and it just makes me want to do more.
00:42:12.559 --> 00:42:22.079
Um, speaking of post-traumatic growth, like uh seeing this and having this, and I'm like, oh, what else can I do to promote this kind of work?
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:24.960
It just makes me excited for what can come in the future.
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:26.559
Jimmy, it's been a pleasure.
00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:31.119
Uh we go back a ways um kind of working parallel jobs in the town of Ridgefield.
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:40.800
So um this is unexpected uh pleasure to have you on the show and have these conversations, especially about this topic, which is super important.
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.239
So thank you for being here and sharing all this stuff with us today.
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:47.280
Thank you again.
00:42:48.639 --> 00:42:59.199
Remember to like and subscribe, YouTube, respond resilience, Facebook, responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and go to our website, respondertv.com for past episodes and guest information.
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:03.039
Till the next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself, take care.
