March 4, 2026
S6 E9 Healing The Human Behind The Shield with Guest Lynette Shaw
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In this episode, Lynette Shaw Butler—retired LEO with a psychology degree, advocate, and educator—pulls back the curtain on the unseen toll of growing up in the shadow of childhood trauma and responding on some of America’s toughest streets. On the job, the trauma she’d buried for so long erupted, and suddenly survival meant facing herself as much as any threat outside.
Lynette’s story is one of grit, vulnerability, and the fierce drive to transform pain into power. In this raw, unflinching episode, she lays bare what it takes to go from broken to unbreakable. The courage to ask for help. The lonely road of therapy, and the difference a culturally competent therapist can make for those who wear the badge. She’s battled through the silence, the stigma, and the scars—emerging not just as a survivor, but as a relentless advocate for others.
Now available! Helping the Helpers: A Guide to Supporting First Responder Mental Wellness, our new book that equips you to support the mental wellness of those who serve and protect our communities. https://a.co/d/dm0VS4Q
Thanks to our resource partner, CRACKYL. Download the FREE CRACKYL App: http://crackyl.respondertv.com
FightCamp: build strength, boost confidence, and decrease stress through interactive boxing workouts, streamed to your device on demand. Use code RR10 for a 10% discount on FightCamp packages and accessories. Go to https://joinfightcamp.com/shop/
Contact Lynette Shaw:
Website: LynnShawGroup.com
Instagram: @LynnShawGroup
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lynette.butler.9028
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynette-shaw-butler-98345538/
Contact Responder Resilience:
Phone: +1 844-344-6655
Email: info@respondertv.com
Our website with past episodes and more: https://www.respondertv.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ResponderResilience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/responder-resilience-podcast/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/responder.tv/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/responderTV/
00:00 - Opening And Sponsor Messages
00:51 - Introducing Lynette And Episode Focus
04:08 - Childhood Trauma And Survival
12:21 - Early Work In Bail Bonds And Policing
18:20 - Risky Pursuits And Unseen Pain
21:32 - Flashbacks And Beginning Therapy
25:36 - What First Responders Need From Therapists
31:21 - Healing Tools And Breaking Stigma
36:42 - Retirement Readiness And Identity
42:05 - Training Alliances And Clinician Partnerships
WEBVTT
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And what they didn't recognize that I was exhibiting every risky behavior that someone who doesn't care about their life exhibits.
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You can't be my therapist if I'm telling you something that crushed me and you're crying through it.
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We don't like to reveal ourselves, but when we do, there has to be the right person there to receive what we're putting down.
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I think the biggest thing is that you are not alone.
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The bravest thing that any first responder can do is find the courage to believe in themselves, that they deserve to be healed.
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Welcome to Responder Resilience, along with Bonnie Rimley, LCSW EMT.
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I'm David Dashinger.
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Today we're speaking with Lynette Shaw Butler, the founder of Lynn Shaw Group Training and Consulting, and we're going to discuss the transformative world of empowering first responders through innovative training and education.
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We'll untangle the threads of cumulative trauma and healing, unpack Lynette's personal journey, and explore why we need robust mental health support systems now more than ever.
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Join us as we discuss retirement challenges, resilience, and Lynette's groundbreaking training programs for those who dedicate their lives to serving others.
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This episode is made possible by the First Responder Center for Excellence.
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We help you focus on staying strong, safe, fit, and resilient.
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Discover more at First ResponderCenter.org and connect with us on X, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube.
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The First Responder Center for Excellence.
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Equip yourself with excellence for every call.
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There's a new app built by Firefighters for Firefighters, and it's called Crackle.
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Download the app now for free as a legacy member and get early access to exclusive content, tools, and updates as they drop.
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We invite you to like and subscribe, YouTube, Respond Resilience, Facebook, Responder TV, LinkedIn, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.
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And go to our website, respondertv.com for past episodes and guest information.
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We'll be right back to speak with Lynette after this.
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Ask a first responder who they are.
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And you're likely to hear I am a police officer.
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I am a firefighter.
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I am a I am a 911 communications operator.
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Not I do this work.
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But I do this job.
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Ask a clinician why they work with first responders.
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And they may say, There's no fire falling and helping help.
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Join us in shaping a culture where mental health, wellness, and leadership are prioritized, not whispered.
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What support is the sign of strength, not failure, and where no one has to carry the weight alone.
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Welcome to Responder Resilience.
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We shine a spotlight on the unseen battles of first responder reality.
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And celebrate the powerful wins that come from the grit of post-traumatic growth.
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We understand the culture, honor the trust, and bring you conversations from the change makers, passionate about helping first responders come home whole.
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With your host, retired Lieutenant David Dashinger, Dr.
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Stacy Raymond, and Bonnie Roomley, LCSW EMT.
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We're really happy to welcome Lynette Shaw Butler.
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She is the founder and CEO of Lynn Shaw Group, which delivers mental health, resilience, de-escalation, and wellness training for first responders, municipalities, educators, corporate teams, and underserved communities.
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She holds a degree in psychology and she's certified in suicide prevention, crisis intervention, veteran services, and is a wellness coach.
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A national advocate for first responder wellness, she was featured on the Times Square Back Them Up Billboard and appeared in the award-winning documentary First Responders Sound the Alarm.
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She's also the co-author of Your Countdown to Retirement for Law Enforcement.
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Lynette, warm welcome to Responder Resilience.
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Yeah, I'm I'm excited uh to talk to you both, and I'm just ready to really dive in.
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Right, let's rock it.
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Thanks for sharing your time.
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So I will dive right in.
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You have quite a harrowing story as to what brought you to law enforcement, and we would really be happy to hear that story today if you wouldn't mind sharing.
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Not at all.
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Um I grew up in Patterson, New Jersey, uh probably one of the roughest cities in New Jersey, um, next to Newark.
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And um my family dynamic, basically, single mom, uh, my dad was in our lives, but um it was very uh traumatic.
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Uh, the experiences that I had um early on from probably the age of five.
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And um my dad was uh violent uh with my mom, so I watched, I I saw that a lot.
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Um and one of the uh biggest things that impacted my life at the age of seven, um, I was in school and I was the type of child that decided that, you know, this day I'm not gonna go to school.
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Uh my uncle dropped me off in uh at the playground, and I got in line with all the other students, but back um then there was a big uh trailer on the outside of the school yard, and when the bell rang, I backed out of the line and backed underneath that trailer.
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And at that time, I was grabbed by six boys, dragged into a building across the street.
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I was tied up, I was raped um repeatedly and left for dead.
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Um that incident, I I bit out of the ropes, and I got up and I walked home.
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At the time, my mom worked three jobs.
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And so when I got home, I got into bed, I washed, I got into bed, and by the time she got home around 10 o'clock at night, uh I had a hundred and five fever when she took my temperature.
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And back in the day, they didn't rush you to the hospital uh when you had a fever, so she rubbed me down on my head, never looked under the covers.
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Um she was always tired.
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I said nothing, and she took care of me.
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I went back to school a week later um with them thinking that I had the flu.
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I had several injuries that I hid.
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Um, I was afraid because my dad at that time, you know, I was I was more afraid because I thought I was gonna get in trouble for playing hooky from school.
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I did not, I I buried the incident, not not not so much because when I went back to school, my behavior totally changed.
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Uh I I would fight anybody.
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I was a good kid, I had good grades.
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Um, I would fight all the time, but my fighting would be I defend people that I saw others messing with them.
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And so I was kind of a reverse bully.
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Um sad, sad story, but I again I'm able to tell it.
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Um I'm I feel blessed to be able to tell this story because I'm healed.
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Uh, and I never thought I would be.
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And that path to healing took a whole lot um because of that in my behavior.
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My dad, who was a uh prominent bail bondsman that everyone loved uh in Patterson, New Jersey, um, and he worked worked in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, you know, in the tri-state area.
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Uh, he would bring me to, you know, I'd leave school and I'd go to work in his office so that he can keep an eye on me.
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And in that, the community, you know, at that time, 70s, 80s, um, was there was a drug epidemic.
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There was uh the first uh heroin epidemic at that time.
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And so all the families would come in and try to bail their sons and daughters out.
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And I was the one to take in all the intake.
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Uh, I would write the applications, I learned a little Spanish just from talking to Spanish people that would come in.
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Uh, and they loved me because here's this little kid, you know, I'm nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
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I worked in my dad's office for quite some time, and then the police would come in and my dad would take me to the jails to actually bail the people who, you know, the criminals out, right?
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I'd be the one who had to take their picture and take other information at that young age.
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So then at the age of 18, after working with other police officers, uh, because we had all the files, we had extra information.
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So the police always came to us to see what kind of information do you have that can help me find this guy, right?
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And you know, uh one day the guy came in and he's asking my dad.
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And I'm a nosy little girl, and I'm looking at you know the pictures that he has, and I said, I know where he is, I know where he is, and I know where he is.
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And they're like, get the hell out of here.
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No way.
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And they asked my dad, they said, Len, can we borrow your daughter?
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So they put me in the back of the car, and um, I said, Okay, we gotta go up to the armory, go up to the army, armory, and we see all three of the people that they're looking for.
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They jump out of the car, and the car's rolling.
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I jump from the back seat, jump into the front, and I put the car in gear and and jump back in the backseat.
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And so they come back after running after these guys and brings them back, and their hands are behind their and they look at me and they're like, Lynette, you know, because they know me, you know, from taking their application, taking their picture.
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What happened?
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We didn't do anything.
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I said, Well, did you get a notice?
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You were supposed to go to court, and they were like, No, we didn't get a notice.
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And so I checked when I got back addresses and everything, and sure enough, they hadn't got a notice.
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So I told my dad he went, had the judge vacate the bail and let them out.
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So now, word on the street is oh, don't call anybody but Lenny's daughter because she'll help you out.
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And so I got a reputation in the community at 12 years old, and then those weren't squad squad officers.
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Now, back in the day, we would never hear this now.
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Back in the day, they would come and pick me up and take me on stakeouts.
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They taught me everything that I needed to know.
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Not everyone is meant to walk this path, and that's okay.
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But for those who feel the call, for those who read these words and feel not just curiosity, but conviction, know this.
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By the time a first responder sits across from you, they've likely exhausted every internal resource they have.
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This isn't a routine appointment, it's their 911 call.
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I don't know how much longer I can do this job.
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You won't hear sirens, but the urgency is real.
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If you choose to take that call, understand what it means.
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To show up, to stay steady, and to carry the weight of someone who spent a career doing the same for others.
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This is where the work begins.
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Be the resource they can count on.
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Order your copy of Helping the Helpers Today on Amazon, and for bulk orders, email us at info at responderTV.com.
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And then at the age of 18, I took over my dad's uh warrant squad, and that was comprised about of about eight men that were way older than me, uh, some ex-cops, and by that time I was yeah, I was better than all of them because of how I was taught.
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And I'm not saying better, I just knew how I could get in places that they couldn't because I was this little innocent girl.
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And so what happened from there is uh newspapers started following me around because I started bringing in numbers of fugitives um over 400 in a year, sometimes five in a day.
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And it's you know, I I would do the craziest things.
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Everybody wanted to work with me.
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Uh and I jumped from roof in Manhattan, roof to roof in Manhattan.
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I'd run down criminals that were, you know, 6'5 and jump on them, and they'd be running with me on their back and I wouldn't let go.
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Uh, I just did a lot of really crazy, ridiculous stuff that nobody would, you know.
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There's a couple of people that are still alive that still call and try to make me talk about these stories.
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Um, but I think the big thing in this to, you know, to tell you is that uh I had eight people that were around me and and a lot more.
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And what they didn't recognize that I was exhibiting every risky behavior that someone who doesn't care about their life exhibits, and they never saw me.
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And so the whole time, and many of us um are like this, we we we hold these things inside that we don't even know what they are, but we don't care whether we live or die.
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And the truth is, I rather get the man, get the guy, and distract myself from what was really going on inside of me.
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And that journey uh led me to police work.
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I just wanted to I wanted to help people.
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Um when in the school system, I started my business in 2018, and uh that school system, Patterson School System, uh school number 10, uh I went to that school, uh, that was my very first mental health training.
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I trained teachers, principals, um, the security guards, and and because my behavior changed drastically during during that trauma that I experienced.
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Um and nobody noticed.
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They just labeled me a bad kid.
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They said that, you know, I was gonna be pregnant before this.
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I was gonna do, you know, they they said all kinds of things about me, and they didn't see my pain.
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And it wasn't until, you know, I became a police officer uh years later that uh I was doing a class um on I think it was bullying or um stalking, and I was in front of 200 students and we were talking about it.
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The prosecutor brought a audio tape in and it was of a little girl, and she said, Help, my daddy, and when she said that uh I cannot tell you how I was sitting on the panel, still answering questions, and something opened up inside of me where I started getting flashbacks of the incident, smells, uh just I mean, just flashes of things, and I had no idea what it was.
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I felt like I was going crazy.
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I I just didn't know what was happening to me.
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And after that, I ran out of, you know, I I held my held it together for that time.
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Uh a few minutes later, I ran out and I went to my car and I was screaming in the car.
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I had no idea what had happened.
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And now I know, um, and and through uh actually having to explore it, uh not wanting to, um, it was the most difficult thing that I've ever done to face that something had happened to me that I did not remember.
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Um and then when it all started coming up, it was probably one of the worst times in my life because at that time I had three children uh and a husband that had no idea.
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And so exploring that, you know, I I I went to therapy for years, but that first month of it, you know, I actually kicked a window out of the car because I didn't want to go.
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I mean, that's how intense the feelings were coming up, but it just meant I was ready.
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Um, I was ready to deal with it.
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Uh, I was uh and and and I did, and I am still in therapy, but I can tell you those events and and so many more.
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Um I've dealt with it, um, I understand it, and I use any and everything that has happened to me.
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I I I've been in therapy for years, and I've had different therapists, and I've done different modalities of therapy, and therapy works.
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I believe in it.
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I mean, one size does not fit all.
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We have to have culturally competent therapists, uh, without a doubt.
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Uh, they need to know about us, they need to know what not to say to us.
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Uh, you cannot be my therapist if you tell me I'm I'm coming off of work and I'm in uniform and I'm coming to your office.
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Can't be my therapist if you tell me you gotta leave your gun out the door.
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You you cannot be my therapist if you're gonna do that, right?
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You can't be my therapist if I'm telling you something that crushed me and you're crying through it.
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I'm sorry, like I I need you at that time to be my strength because it's taking everything that I have to tell you.
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We don't like to reveal ourselves, but when we do, there has to be the right person there to receive what we're putting down because that can be the difference between me never going to try to heal myself again, one person.
00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:26.799
And that's what's you know, that's that's why I'm really excited about making sure that first responders get culturally competent therapists, you know, if they're open to that.
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There's other ways of healing too, but I just, you know, I've I really believe that you get the right therapists, and I've had about five and different somatic therapy, EMDR, uh, just talk therapy, uh, and every single one of those therapists were excellent.
00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:52.880
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00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:57.839
Yeah, and what you are speaking about is very much why we wrote the book um helping the helpers, and that we wanted to make available information that people that do want to work with our population, whether they're therapists or peer support or chaplains, family members, can understand our world and and not only that, but do like a sort of a self-check before they say, I want to do this work, that they are able to bear witness to what they're gonna hear, that they're able to hold the space for the first responder that's gonna share this stuff that they don't share with anybody else.
00:20:58.079 --> 00:21:03.519
And especially if they create an atmosphere that the first responder can feel comfortable and trust the therapist.
00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.920
So your points are so important.
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:10.960
And thank you so much for going deep and sharing that personal part of your journey.
00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:12.160
We appreciate that.
00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:17.759
Can you talk a little bit more about your healing journey for like a first responder who's out there?
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Maybe they've been carrying trauma since childhood and they're maybe just becoming aware of it, or maybe they just want to know what might help them.
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What would you say to them?
00:21:27.519 --> 00:21:33.200
What what parts of your journey would be helpful to other first responders who are suffering in silence?
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:40.160
I I think the biggest thing is that you are not alone.
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:42.079
You're not alone.
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:58.000
There have been horrific things that have happened to many of us that we don't divulge it, but you can see it in our behaviors, you can see it in our families, you can see it in the broken marriages, you can see it in relationships, right?
00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:03.440
And if anyone Deserves to live.
00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:04.799
I mean live.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:05.839
It's us.
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:09.599
We run into homes that people run out of.
00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:12.559
We run into gunfire when people run away from it.
00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:16.960
We run into fires when people are running out of it, right?
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:21.200
And we do this for people we don't even know.
00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:25.599
Who deserves more than us to live?
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:30.880
I made a choice to live when I made the choice to seek help.
00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:43.440
And that can be from another first responder, it could be from a therapist, it could be, you know, just to be able to talk to somebody to lead you on a journey to healing.
00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:46.079
There are so many modalities.
00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:55.440
Um, somatic therapy helped me, I would, I would say most, although BMDR is amazing, and there's so many different therapies.
00:22:55.519 --> 00:23:01.119
And you know, the word therapy, I think it scares people, you know, away, especially us.
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:18.400
We we hear therapists and and even in some of the departments today that I work in uh and for, uh they in the classes, I'll, you know, I'll reveal me so that they have permission to reveal themselves.
00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:22.880
And once I do that, people come out and they talk about their things.
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:33.680
And and that is what I'm so grateful for is the fact that I'm able, and the only reason I'm able to do it is because I'm healed, you know.
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:35.519
Um, do do I cry?
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:41.119
Does does some of these things still it we're like onions, right?
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:44.799
And we can peel, we can peel it, right?
00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:46.240
Peel it, peel it, peel it.
00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:49.039
And and sometimes like onions in the refrigerator, right?
00:23:49.119 --> 00:23:59.440
That gets down underneath everything, and you can take everything out of the refrigerator and you never find where that smell is coming from, but you know something's wrong with you, right?
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.880
But you don't know where it is, and so that's where I think therapy comes in.
00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:26.240
Um, and and uh I I I'm just feeling so blessed that I'm able to say, hey, look, I I I've experienced a lot of trauma, but uh I'm healed, and and it's nothing to be ashamed of that you're not weak.
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:34.319
You're you you you are amazing for the job that you do, and you deserve to live.
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:51.920
And so my if I could say anything, is that the bravest thing that any first responder can do is find the courage to believe in themselves, that they deserve to be healed, and they deserve a life.
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:58.799
Many of us, even after we retire, we're we're we're living in you know, trauma flooding.
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:00.640
That's we get that trauma flooding.
00:25:00.799 --> 00:25:05.039
We retire, we're not doing everything and keeping ourselves busy.
00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:09.839
And people are scared to retire because they know that all that stuff's gonna come up.
00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:13.599
Why not do this before you get off the job, right?
00:25:13.680 --> 00:25:19.920
In the beginning of the job, I really believe in teaching this stuff to um recruits.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:25.519
It's important to have them be able to anticipate some things.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:37.599
And in my I taught seven police academy classes, all of them were mental health classes, and one of the things that I said to the recruits is I said, I want to tell you right now whether you need it or not.
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:39.920
You guys have any problems when you were kids?
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:44.079
You guys have any problems, financial problems as adults or whatever?
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:48.240
Get a therapist now because you're gonna need it.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:26:01.519
Get a therapist, and and they were so open to it um that they said, Well, they were asking questions like, Well, if I get a therapist now, will that impede me from getting promoted on the job?
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:02.559
Will it, you know?
00:26:02.720 --> 00:26:05.680
I'm like, who has to know that you're getting a therapist?
00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:07.279
Use your insurance.
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:14.480
No one has to know, and no one will know unless you are a danger to yourself or others and or you're suicidal.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:27.279
And then in that case, you want somebody to know, you know, and so there is nothing saying that we can't go get a therapist, and I think that is something that people worry about on the job.
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.599
Are they gonna think I'm crazy or are they gonna think I'm good enough for a promotion?
00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:39.920
You know, am I gonna, you know, be picked on, or you know, that stigma, I'll I'll tell you, it it stops us from doing a lot of things.
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:44.880
But what saved me is and and many first responders feel like I do.
00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:48.079
I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me.
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:49.759
I speak for me.
00:26:50.079 --> 00:27:07.759
If you don't like me, there has to be something wrong with you because I am full of love and light, and I'm gonna help anybody that I can, especially in this profession uh that you know might just need a little nudge to help themselves.
00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:11.759
I don't want I I don't like the word help so much.
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:25.200
I like empower because we're first responders, we can do anything, and so why not empower us to be able to take care of our own mental health?
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:29.440
All units stand by for a confirmed structure fire with important person's trade.
00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:45.119
In a world where first responders save lives, this book could help save theirs by preparing you to answer when they call for help.
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:58.400
Based on over 200 conversations and the trusted team behind the Responder Resilience podcast, helping the helpers gives you the tools to understand their world, speak their language, and earn their trust.
00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:02.799
This work is challenging, but deeply needed and profoundly rewarding.
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